the enneagram of parenting: type four introduction

Source: The Enneagram of Parenting

Does your child:

  • have feelings that are easily hurt?
  • want to be seen as special?
  • have, or want to have, a closet full of dress-up clothes?
  • soul-search and/or engage in fantasy play?
  • have a sense of the dramatic—both tragic and comic?
  • enjoy the arts or collect beautiful treasures?
  • look at things in a special, creative way?
  • seem depressed or melancholy at times?

If most of your answers are yes, your child is currently behaving in the Romantic style. He or she may relate primarily to another style as an adult.

Romantic-style children find everyday life boring and tedious.

They prefer the excitement of participating in or experiencing the theater dance, art, and music. They also enjoy movies, the purity and loveliness of beautiful objects, what they can do with their own imagination, and that which is enchanting, mysterious, and unpredictable.

Even though Four-ish children are often friendly and warm, they sometimes feel shy and lonely… are overpowered by their own emotions… or wonder if they belong.

Sometimes they want whatever they don’t have, and sometimes they want what everyone else has. Sometimes they think others want what they have.

These children find special meaning where others may not. They have especially delicate feelings and can fill with shame when people are angry with them.

They can often feel misunderstood, so it’s important to listen carefully to them. You don’t have to get caught up in their feelings if they’re very intense, just acknowledge what they are feeling. Sometimes it’s helpful for these children to get out of their internal world, join in with others, and contribute their cleverness and sense of humor.