Source: The Enneagram of Parenting

Emotional Maturity
Romantic-style children are very sensitive to pressure by a parent to be a certain way (to be just like the parent, usually). Find the subtleties and complexities in their personalities. Honor the differences between the two of you in order to help your Four-ish child build a sense of self.

If you feel threatened by Four-ish kids’ ferocious feelings, try to understand their need to engage emotionally. Try to stay present and be a good listener. They’ll appreciate your seeing them through rough times. Be honest and tell them if intense exchanges upset you.

Four-ish children fear abandonment. They can be jealous, self-critical, and self-punishing. Set up activities where they’ll feel successful, and show them you truly love and perceive them. They will internalize the attention and sympathy you give them and learn ways to sooth themselves.

As they enter their teens, help them question the validity of any pessimistic or hopeless thoughts they may have about themselves. The most important thing, though, is to listen to them in a way that lets them know you understand what they’re telling you. If they seem extremely depressed or suicidal, get professional help.

Responsibility
Four-ish children, like their One-Perfectionist arrow, can be very conscientious. They’re humanitarian and will step in to protect a mistreated child or animal. Encourage friendships with elderly people in the neighborhood who may welcome their attention. Outlets for their compassion and altruism also include helping out at a hospital or senior center and raising guide dogs for the blind.

If responsibility slackens, Four-ish children may be suffering over something or going through a rebellious cycle. Be available to listen to their problems. Adult Fours sometimes say that as a child, without knowing why, they felt sad and lonely.

To soul-searching Romantic-style teens, the meaning of life is something that cannot be defined but only felt. They may not like systems, such as the Enneagram, that try to pin them down. Melancholy, which also can’t be defined in words, connects them to the mysteries of the universe. If anyone could add to their life, some Fours believe, it would be only a great artist or a great love.

Parents and teachers sometimes don’t understand that introversion is restorative and crucial to a Four-ish child’s creative process. They may misinterpret soul searching and dreaming as unproductive. I admire Romantic-style children for not being afraid to express their emotions, including the joyous and the sad.